Autism at Christmas Time
Every other article about having an autism friendly Christmas is marketed towards parents with young kids- which is great, but I thought that those of us over the age of six need a survival guide too!
As an autistic person, I love routine. Plans that don’t change. So Christmas, with the way it overhauls normal life, can be a bit of a mindfuck. Normal routines are disrupted. There’s a lot more social situations thrust upon you (so many parties!). Plus the garish decorations, lights and constant music can lead to major sensory issues (If you haven’t read the theory that doctor Zeuss’ Grinch was actually just suffering from sensory overload, you definitely should).
With the routine aspect of Christmas, I usually manage with the fact that Christmas sort of has its own routine. Traditions ritualistically performed every year over and over is my idea of heaven- comforting, safe, predictable. But that does mean that any slight alteration to the Christmas “routine” sets off MAJOR panic. Doing the decorations differently, or putting them up later or earlier than usual, alterations to the meals, skipping a traditional activity- it all makes my brain spin. And I know that sounds SUPER stupid, but it’s just the way I am. Obviously over the years I’ve had to accept that Christmas can’t follow the same exact routine every single year. I mean, Corona proved that more than anything. Last year, when Boris backslid on his plans to ease restrictions I felt sick- I understood the reason of course but that didn’t stop me being distraught with anxiety that PLANS would have to be CHANGED with such late notice (of course, Boris didn’t change his own plans but that’s a discussion for another time😐). In times like this I like to focus on the things that I can control, the aspect of routine I can keep in place. The way I decorate my bedroom, for example. My annual reading of Dicken’s a Christmas Carol (every Christmas eve, without fail, no matter how much of a late one I’ve had). The movies I watch every single year and can probably quote by heart. When routine and plans spin out of predictability, retreating into that which I can control and predict calms me enough to deal with changes. And that’s why, though it’s been many years since I was young enough to believe in Santa, I still leave out a mince pie and carrots on Christmas Eve- because it’s a reliable, consistent tradition that feels comforting, even if I do have to just eat them myself the next day.
As for the socialising, I generally love it. I’m actually an extrovert- yes, an autistic extrovert, we do exist, I promise. But there are definitely times where the parties, the events, the numerous things to attend can be overwhelming. And that’s okay. Yes, Christmas is about being with loved ones- but when you’re autistic (or have anxiety, or sensory issues, or you’re just feeling a little burned out from it all)- it’s totally okay to take a break from all that. As long as you need. And if your loved ones can’t accept that then they need to look a little deeper into the season of goodwill. And despite what you may think, it’s perfectly possible to be festive on your own. I love indulging in some seasonal alone time, either by reading books set around the Christmas period (the Hogfather, anyone?), listening to Christmas music in my room, or watching a movie about someone accidentally becoming involved with the royal family of a small European country (Because Netflix seems to have decided that constitutional monarchy is like…super Christmassy).
As for the sensory part of Christmas- I used to not struggle too much with the sensory aspect of my Autism at Christmas, with the exception of my hyposensitivity (undersensitivity for those unfamiliar with Autie lingo) to temperature meaning I would often dress inappropriately for the winter weather. But with the drastic worsening of my mental health, my mild sensitivity to noise and bright lights and colour has gotten a lot more intense. And I find I have days where I can handle a lot of sensory input and days where I just can’t. IDK if any other Autistics find that their sensory sensitivity fluctuates with mood but it definitely does with me. So I’ve tried to arrange my Christmas plans to be as modifiable to my sensory sensitivity that day as possible. Christmas Eve I have arranged quiet drinks with one or two friends at mine- with the option of carrying on the evening at my loud, bustling local IF I’m having a really good day and don’t want to scream at the thought of being surrounded by hundreds of people all belting a very out of tune version of “All I want for Christmas is You” at midnight. New Years will likely be a similar situation, I’ll arrange quiet and classy pre drinks either at mine or at a quieter bar and only carry on the evening if I’m feeling REALLY strong and ready for the raucousness and busyness of every venue on New Year’s Eve. That way I still have plans whatever level of sensory sensitivity I have on the night. Because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with going out and socialising at 7pm on New Year’s eve, but going home after an hour or two to ring in 2022 with Jools Holland if that’s what your senses can take. Or if you do want to see in midnight at the club with your friends- there’s nothing wrong with discreetly sliding in some little, unnoticeable earplugs . Ideally, it would be great to find a Christmas or new year’s venue where ear defenders or shades won’t get a second look, but if your local isn’t like that… Christmas is actually a great time of year for sensory aids being worn without judgements. Novelty sunglasses or elf ear earmuffs are just part of your festive outfit of course…